When you see water dripping from the kitchen ceiling, what do you do?  You run upstairs and immediately turn off the bathroom tap.  You don’t start scooping water, you’ll first stop more water from coming in.  If you want to make progress on your decluttering journey, you are going to have to stop the influx.  More stuff must leave your home than is coming in.  That’s basic math, right?  And part of that means stopping the ‘stuff delivery service’ aka hand-me-downs.  

“I don’t want to be rude, they mean well” – I hear you say.  I know.  But I also know that if you are on the rocky road of getting all the excess out, well-meaning people can make the road much rockier.  I also know that you can decline hand-me-downs without guilt and without coming across as ungrateful.

That’s why today I want to talk you through how you can tactfully decline and avoid hand-me-downs from coming into your home.

Let’s jump in.

Where are your donors coming from

Sometimes people give you things without even realising that they are placing a burden on you.  They might come from a place where they love to receive hand-me-downs, so they spread the love by passing them on to you too. They think they are doing you a favour unless you tell them otherwise.  Wouldn’t you be horrified if you were unintentionally placing a massive burden on somebody else?  Especially if you thought you were doing something nice for them.  It is not fair on the giver, is it?     

Often people come from a place of emotional attachments to their stuff themselves.  Handing it to someone they know makes it easier to let go.  Seeing their things getting a new lease of life helps them to part with their things.  As much as you would love to make it easier for them to let go, you have to focus on letting go yourself.  It is not harsh or ungrateful, it is just being honest. 

You can decline in a way that is kind and gracious.  So drop the guilt and let’s talk strategy.

This is how you are going to do it

Like any change you want to make in life.  It is always better to think ahead and have a plan in place.  No more fake smiles and twitchy eyes as you stretch your arm out and slowly open your clenched fist to take yet another oversized bag of stuff.  Here’s your plan.

# 1

Identify the hand-me-downers in your life and have a pro-active chat.  This is easier when it’s done without a big bag between the two of you.  Do it proactively.  Be open and vulnerable.  Share your decluttering journey and why you are more intentional about things coming into your home.  Tell them about clutter’s negative impact on you and your family and why you have decided to stop things coming in for now.  You might be surprised how well people will receive that.  If they care for you, surely they would want to support and help you with whatever struggle it is you want to overcome.  Some vulnerability and honesty will go a long way.

# 2

If you don’t feel comfortable offering a backstage pass to your inner thoughts, you could just gently and graciously decline by saying;

“That’s so kind of you to think of us, but we have everything we need at the moment.”

You could offer an alternative (only if you know of one – but be careful not to make your problem someone else’s). 

“I know the school is taking children’s book donations at the moment.  They might love this box of books”

Having thought about how you will communicate and what you’ll say will prevent having to think of ways to escape in the heat of the moment.

# 3

Or agree with your donor that you will go through it and take what is useful and donate the rest.  With this agreement in place, you will have an exit strategy in place without feeling guilty.    

How can you make hand-me-downs work for you?

Don’t get me wrong.  I love getting hand-me-downs and it has saved us as a family so much money.  Would I have loved receiving hand-me-downs if my home was cluttered and causing me stress and anxiety?  No.

Hand-me-downs must be channelled intentionally.  One way of benefiting from hand-me-downs but not being overwhelmed by them is to set a limit.  For example, when it comes to children’s clothes, I keep one tub per child for clothes they still have to grow into.  When the tub is full, I don’t accept more hand-me-downs.  The tub said ‘no’.  However, if you are in the thick of decluttering, I’d only focus my energy on letting go and not put strategies in place for managing hand-me-downs coming in.  You can do that later when the stuff mountains are under control.

Take charge of hand-me-downs without guilt.  You are not being ungrateful.  Gracious honesty and having a plan of action can go a long way for you to make progress with decluttering.

People may unknowingly burden you with hand-me-downs, thinking they’re doing you a favour.  It’s crucial to communicate your decluttering journey graciously. Whether opening up about your intentions or gently declining offers, having a proactive strategy, ensures you don’t always swim against the clutter tide and continue to make progress in your decluttering journey.

P.S If you feel like you are constantly battling with clutter in your home, this guide might help.  It gives you five quick and easy ways you can start doing today to get your home more decluttered and organised over time.  You can download it here!

stop You are not alone in your struggle with clutter. “What if I need it in the future?”  “This could be useful!”  “I paid a lot of money for that.” And so clutter accumulates.

Sound familiar?  Do you try to declutter only to be thrown off course by these perfectly valid objections?  

This narrative is preventing you from making progress with your decluttering. It leaves you feeling overwhelmed and stuck as you struggle with decluttering. The culprit could be a scarcity mindset. In today’s post, you are going to discover how the scarcity mindset is holding you back from making progress on your decluttering journey.  You will also get practical tips on how to overcome its sneaky presence in your fight against clutter.

What is a scarcity mindset?

The concept of a scarcity mindset was first introduced by Stephen Covey in his influential book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. It is a belief that resources, opportunities, and success are limited. It’s when you constantly think there’s not enough of something and you worry that you’ll miss out or not have enough. 

The scarcity mindset can vary among individuals. Some may show a stronger tendency toward a scarcity mindset, while others may display it to a lesser extent. Personal experiences of scarcity, poverty or struggle, upbringing, and culture – can all shape the development of a scarcity mindset.

It is then no surprise that in the context of decluttering, this mindset can create problems.  

It leads to feelings of fear and anxiety when letting go, even if you know you don’t need or use something. This mindset can cloud rational decision-making, leading to the accumulation of clutter even when it seems impractical.  

Let’s be honest. We’ve all experienced this first-hand.  

You get a shiny new kettle, but hang on to the old one.  “But”, you say to yourself. “What if Mr Shiny suddenly malfunctions or what if we have so many guests one day that we have to boil two kettles of water? Yes, we have to keep the old one as a reliable backup.” And so, the old kettle clings to its place, ready to step in if the fear of scarcity becomes a reality.

Or perhaps your cupboards and drawers are bulging with plastic carrier bags. These bags come in handy for all sorts of expected and unexpected situations. We must keep them all – they are the ultimate versatile resource. And so plastic bags keep breeding.

What about that uncomfortable pair of shoes that you paid good money for, but never wear, because, well, it hurts? Your scarcity mindset will tell you that it’s such a waste to let go and what if there’s a special occasion in the future where it magically fits perfectly? “I’ll keep it just in case.” And so, the shoes remain, occupying valuable wardrobe space and making the things you do love to wear a real pain to find.  

Scraps of wrapping paper, half a pipe cleaner, foreign money, old keys, random screws and washers, old cables and wires lurk in cupboards, unknown rubber items, obsolete electronics, obscurely shaped plastic objects, name it. It all gets stored up. 

The irony is this….

should you find a use for any of these items, you wouldn’t remember that you even have it. And if you do remember, you wouldn’t know where to find it!

Irrespective of where you find yourself on the ‘scarcity mindset scale’, it is good to be aware of these thinking patterns.  It can be a major roadblock for you on your decluttering journey. 

How to overcome this mindset and the struggle with decluttering?

• Awareness – the first step is to become aware. You are doing that right now by reading this post. You can’t change what you are not aware of. Recognise the signs of a scarcity mindset when it arises. Watch out for those “what if I need it” and “this could be useful” objections. Challenge your thoughts and choose to take on a different perspective.  

• Practice – if you let go in the face of these objections, you will start to feel the benefit of having less. It will give you the confidence to let go.  You will learn to trust your decluttering judgements more and the little scarcity mindset voice will slowly slip away.

• Focus on what you are gaining by letting go – less clutter means less stress. You are making way for the things you truly love.  You are creating a space that supports you and not drains you. The value of letting go far outweighs the value of the item you are tempted to keep.

• Embrace an abundance mindset – this can be as simple as just saying to yourself; “I have enough” and with gratitude focus on what you do have. If you are reading this, I can almost guarantee that you do have enough. Remind yourself frequently.

Now that you understand how the scarcity mindset can hinder your decluttering journey and how to spot it within yourself, it’s time to challenge that mindset and overcome the struggle with decluttering. Remember, you can’t change what you’re not aware of, so stay conscious of those “what if I need it” objections. Trust in your resourcefulness and remind yourself of the relief you felt after letting go of items in the past. 

Please subscribe and share this post if you find it helpful.  And if you have not yet grabbed my guide with some tips on how you can get a more organised home, grab it here.  Let’s embrace an abundance mindset and stop the struggle with clutter.  You can create a space that supports you and your family. You have enough, and the value of letting go far outweighs the value of the items you’re tempted to keep.

I just love the name of this system – Command Centre.  It has a nice ring to it and it makes me feel in charge (I’m not!).  Any good emergency, government or business setting will have a command centre.  A central place from where to coordinate, manage and monitor.  Since the household is involved in all these industries (on a smaller scale of course), it only makes sense for every home to have one too.  Even if it’s just to reduce the amount of times you hear ‘mummy, what’s for dinner?’ – it’s worth a try!  I’ll show you how.

Similar to a real world command centre, the home command centre provides real-time information for the smooth running of operations.  It is a central place where you and your family can go to get a clear overview of all the household and family activities and tasks.  It saves time, because everyone doesn’t come to you for all the information they need.  

If you are a visual person like me, you also need things in front of your face to remember and take action.  Here is what’s on our command centre;

Information for the whole family

A calendar with all the important dates to remember, like birthdays and anniversaries.

The weekly cleaning list/boredom buster – I rarely do everything on the list every week, but at least I’ll know where to start next week.  Also, if a child tells me they are bored, I just look at my cleaning list and give them a few suggestions of what they could do.  Needless to say, my children are very rarely bored these days.  Mysterious!

Our meal plan – this is helpful, because the family can go there to see what’s for dinner.  I also don’t have to reinvent the wheel every week, as I can just look back at what we had in previous weeks and repeat.  It’s also helpful to look at what we served guests, so we can repeat or avoid cooking the same thing.

Before you roll your eyes at meal planning.  You might feel like you’ve never been able to do this.  You might feel like you don’t have time to plan meals (I would strongly disagree!  It saves you time, but that might be a chat for another time).  Why not start jotting down the meals you cook as you go.  Before you know it, you will have created a meal plan organically.  Foila!  Just repeat what you served fortnightly so it’s not too repetitive.  No more having to come up with meal ideas under pressure every day. 

Shopping list – everybody in the house knows where to go if they used the last of anything in the house.  It gets written down on the shopping list.  Sometimes it requires some handwriting deciphering on my part, but the system works.

Notepad – for lunchbox love letters or just any random note.  Always handy.

A hook for keys.  Keys have to have a home.  This little hook saves us so much time not having to constantly look for our keys.  However, if you miss the hook the keys do fall into the dog’s water bowl.  Not ideal for Frodo, but it works for us.

A clip for each child’s papers.  This is a way to separate the children’s papers i.e. school trip info, party invitations, library receipts, clubs letter, etc.  These clips are not to display artwork or photos or anything other than items that need some form of action or important timely information.

We also have a magnetic dry erase calendar on the other side of the fridge.  It is for the children to see all their activities and events in the upcoming weeks.

Things I include for myself:

My own ‘action’ clip for papers I need to do something with.  I.e. tax paper I need to make a phone call, doctor’s appointment letters, letters to post, etc.  Again, I have to have it in front of my face to remember.

A habit tracker.  Seeing progress on new habits I am trying to learn really helps me.  Yes, the command centre even provides room for self improvement.

Truth and words of wisdom – things that affirm what I believe.  For me these are words from the Bible that ultimately drive my thoughts and actions.  I love to include anything that will encourage and help me to serve my family faithfully and joyfully.  I don’t always do, so it is important for me to keep these words in front of our face too.

What to include on your own command centre? 

No one command centre will look the same and you need to tailor it to your own family’s needs. Here are some helpful questions to guide you as you decide what to include on yours:

Include your daily and weekly routines and responsibilities? 

What are the things you always forget? 

Information that is currently on annoying little pieces of paper and post-it notes that you are constantly looking for?

Important info and papers do you need to access quickly, easily and regularly?

Certain household pain points that need to be addressed?  Can the command centre offer the solution?  Basically everything on our command centre is solving a pain point for us.

What details will be helpful for all the family to have access to?  Emergency contact numbers, perhaps a schedule with all the activities happening that week for all the members of the family?

Keep it simple.  

Just include info that is necessary and relevant.  If it is too busy and cluttered, the important things will not stand out.  The command centre will evolve as your family’s needs change, so it is a good idea to make changes to it regularly.  For example at the beginning of a new term, school year or calendar year.

Where to set it up? 

Anywhere accessible for the whole family – entry way, home office, family room or landing.  Choose a spot that is convenient and easy to use.  If you are a visual person like me, the fridge might be a good place.  Or where you would naturally stand and stare as you wait for the kettle to boil or for the microwave to ping.  Not everyone would like a visual monstrosity as part of their kitchen decor, because let’s face it, it is a feature.  So you might want to hide it on the inside of a kitchen cabinet door.  For us function trump style at this stage of our lives.  It doesn’t have to be pretty – I’d rather have a functional eyesore than a Pinterest perfect dud.  Don’t be afraid to move it around until you find the perfect place.

I hope you are inspired to set up your very own home command centre.  Just start with one or two things and build it up over time.

If you feel like you are constantly battling with clutter in your home, this guide might help.  It  gives you five quick and easy ways you can start doing today to get your home more organised over time.  You can download it here! 

Until next time!

Suzanne